2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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