UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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