Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
