Need sex. Gaining weight.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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