i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
