hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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