We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
