you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
