She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
