Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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