So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
