im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
