Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
