ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my phone needs a breathalizer
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
