One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
