He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
