Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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