I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
