I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
