I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I want to be your penis for a week.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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