Say something about gay babies.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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