In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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