Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
