My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
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im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
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Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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