i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
