chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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