If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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