if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
