So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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