peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
