So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
