Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
