she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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