No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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