you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
