Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
