There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
