You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
