Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
