just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
