I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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