then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
