Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
