just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
