You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
