Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize