I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
