how can u be prego again
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
