So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
