we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
