I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
