It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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