Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize