Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
