i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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