He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
