i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
