There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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