I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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