I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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