It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
