I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We left an ass print on the piano.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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