i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
