idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize