im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
