eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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