Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
