you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize